Going Back to Work: A Dad’s Perspective

Going Back to Work: A Dad’s Perspective

We recently sat down Santiago Ongay to talk about going back to work after having a new baby. He offered his perspective as a dad going through the process. You can listen to the interview or read it below.

Sonal Patel

Hi, guys. And welcome back to the NayaCare family. Today we’re doing our blogs again with our mom and dad, and again with us. We have Santi, our dad and Meagan. And so I’m going to take a minute for them to introduce themselves again.

Meagan D.

Meagan, I am the administrator for NayaCare. I came to NayaCare first with my daughter as a patient at the beginning of Covid and quickly believed in what they were doing. And so I came on as the administrator.

Santiago (Santi)

And I am Santi. I am a new patient of Dr Patel because Dr Patel does have multiple patients, the babies and the parents, and our baby boy was born over two months ago now. So we’ve been working with Dr Patel for some time and got to benefit from a lot of our services. So I’m happy to be able to come on and discuss those with everyone.

Sonal Patel

And I just honestly, I say this so many times that I’m just so honored that when people go through the services, they believe so much in the mission and the vision and that they come on and support. So being that being said, today, we’re going to talk about a fun topic and going back to work after you have a baby. And since Santis and the dads usually go back to work much earlier than the moms do, we’re going to have Santi kick off of how he felt going back to work.

Sonal Patel

Go ahead.

Santiago (Santi)

So I had a very interesting case. I actually quit my job one month before the baby was born and became self employed full time, which is nice and also a blessing and a curse, right? The blessing is well, I’m self employed so I can control my own schedule. But the curse is I’m therefore no longer have the paternity leave because again, I have unlimited vacation with unlimited work now, so you can only choose one. So it was definitely a nice balance. I figured if I wanted to take this step in my life, it was kind of now or never, right?

Santiago (Santi)

Once the baby comes and I’m comfortable receiving that paycheck and have that security blanket per se, then I thought I might not take that step in my career. So it was definitely a challenging step to take, but obviously it would support from my wife. I did that. And so going back to work was never really going back. It was just maintaining the bare necessities while spending more time with my baby and then little by little, ramping up more of the work hours. So it was again, an interesting balance, right?

Santiago (Santi)

It was definitely not a nine to five type of work schedule. Sometimes I would be up at two three in the morning and feel like I have the energy to get a little bit of work done, answer some emails, do some administrative stuff, then maybe the rest of the day would just spend with baby. So I was working kind of out of pocket from my phone, just replying to a few emails or phone calls like that, and then come bedtime or nap time, I would go back to work.

Santiago (Santi)

So again, the benefit of working from home, I think one of the biggest challenges there was mentally and physically, all I could think about and all I wanted to do was spend time with my baby. So it was actually very difficult being inside the house to be able to just close the door and focus on nothing but work. So what I found is a few days I would go to the coffee shop, and that way I would be there for one or 2 hours, and it would be nothing but productive time.

Santiago (Santi)

And then when I leave the coffee shop, I feel a little better, at least mentally, to spend time with the baby. Right. Because it’s also not how much time I might spend. So not the quality, not the quantity, but the quality of the time that I was spending with a baby. Right. If I was multitasking and working off my phone or thinking about something else, I realized it really wasn’t worth it wasn’t quality time. So that balance and finding again, the right routine, which the routine changed on a daily basis until I could find that right balance of getting a little bit of work done in certain apps hours of the day.

Santiago (Santi)

When mom needed a break, I had the flexibility to be at home and be able to help with that. And I’d say right now, we’re two months and change into having our baby. And I’m still trying to figure out that balance in that routine. So it’s definitely nothing that came naturally, but it’s been the best adventure of my life so far. So good.

Sonal Patel

You’ve highlighted so many amazing things just to kind of unpack. One of the things is you actually made this decision in Cove in the pandemic to go from being employed to self employed. That is best before we go into us, women going back to work, spend a little bit of time in this space when the desk go back to work. I actually was jealous of my husband when he went back to work and the opportunity to step away for a couple of hours. I think when going into it, I mean, I initially I was like, okay, yes, I have to breastfeed.

Sonal Patel

I have to do all of those things. But three, four weeks into it, when I was feeling a little bit better and I’m only drowning in breastfeeding and diapers, I’m like, wait a minute. I mean, you get to go and leave. And the flipping was it that yes, of course, when he comes back, he’s tired and he’s trying to balance both of it. But just speaking from a mom’s perspective, I was like, wow, you get to step out of this.

Santiago (Santi)

That is a great point. I actually work related, but I went to play golf. I’m not good at golf, but I at least enjoy it. And it felt like a vacation not in a bad way, right? Obviously, I missed my baby and wanted to be with a baby, but it definitely felt like a mini vacation. And the first thing I did when I got home is I told my wife, Let me stay with him and you go out, whether it be to the grocery store, Target, just to drive around whatever you want to do.

Santiago (Santi)

Because now I realize is stepping away. Is that a little bit of a break or mini vacation to just kind of rejuvenate yourself and be able to come back in into really the 24/7 job, which is taking care of a baby? Yes. And it’s challenging because like you mentioned, doctor would tell you you come back from work and you’re tired and taking care of a baby is very tiresome, but at least acknowledging and appreciating the fact that I got to step away and I just got a change of scenery and wanting to give that to my wife so she could also get a little break and just recharge the batteries and then come back and we can both be a team raising our baby.

Santiago (Santi)

So absolutely. I think definitely you step away to work, but you still step away. That change scenery. That a lot of times mom just can’t do.

Sonal Patel

Megan, what did you feel and your husband went back to work?

Meagan D.

I actually felt the opposite. I felt kind of bad for him, especially because he had to go back so quickly. I I felt bad that he had to I felt bad that he didn’t get that leave with the job I was at at the time. I had 13 weeks of maternity leave paid. He had no time, he had his vacation time, he had his sick time and with COVID his schedule was modified, so that did give us some extra time that he wouldn’t initially had. But I felt bad that he had to go back so quickly and had to miss those first few weeks.

Santiago (Santi)

It is definitely different, I would say in my experience, not having to go back to an office or some of my friends are contractors, so they have to go to job sites. So not having the choice and having to go back to work, I could definitely see what a man saying that a lot of times you don’t get to choose, you just have to go back to work, and now you’re missing watching your baby from nine to five or eight to six or whatever that might be.

Santiago (Santi)

So it’s definitely I think everybody has a different perspective.

Meagan D.

But it’s interesting to share what you offered paternity leave before you left.

Santiago (Santi)

I would have had, I believe, those two weeks of paternity leave, which is also not enough. But I would have had at least two weeks where you at least disconnect and not worry about anything. So that’s what one of the things I gave up, I guess, switching to selfemployed. But instead of having those two weeks to disconnect being self employed, I was able to have two months of a flexible schedule. So that’s another nice thing. After the two weeks of being completely disconnected, I didn’t have to go back to a nine to five.

Santiago (Santi)

I was able to more so balance that out and spread out the flexible schedule for now, going on more than two months.

Sonal Patel

Again, did your husband have how long did he have?

Meagan D.

So he didn’t have any opportunity to leave at all. His schedule had been modified from a Monday through Friday schedule to I think it was Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. Then he was working because it’s COVID because they were trying to separate all the shifts and stay busy and not ultimately lay them off. So he did have a modified schedule. So he took about a week and a half off. It just so happened that Reddit we went into labor was right into the start of his first set of shifts.

Meagan D.

And so he took those few days off and then had ultimately, like another week and a half off. So that was pretty nice. But after that, he did have to go back. But like I said, he was on a modified schedule. So we got lucky there where he did have a lot more time home. Then he would have initially had. But still, I think it’s definitely a big gap. I had 13 weeks paid, and I know still, a lot of moms don’t get that, but most dads don’t have any kind of leave and they have to use their sick time and vacation time.

Meagan D.

And for him, his thought was, well, do I want to use that? All right. Now what if she gets sick? What is something you need my help? What about the holiday times? Do I want to take off time around the holiday times to be with her? So he asked to factor taking that time, too, make it all work together.

Santiago (Santi)

There’s so much that goes into these decisions. And another interesting perspective as a dad, right? You go back to work. And as new parents, you’re learning so much on a daily basis. You’re not only communication cues with the baby of his hunger signs and his tired signs and how to hold them when you’re feeding him. So there’s so many lesson learning lessons on a daily basis that as a dad, when you step away from work, you come back and you feel like you missed a lot of that.

Santiago (Santi)

Right now, mom is telling you how to do things because of her experience on a day to day basis. And now dad might feel like he’s missing out or mom is teaching him how to be a dad. And then, personally, I would get defensive because I don’t want my wife to teach me how to be a dad if we’re both together. But at the same time, if I am working for 5 hours during the day, I did miss out on some learning lessons there. So it is a very interesting balance to try to continue to bond with your baby while at the same time not being able to spend so much time with the baby.

Santiago (Santi)

It becomes difficult. And the worst thing I would say they get it for dads to avoid is to have that separate you and your baby. Right. I think I’ve seen this with some friends where the moms spending all day with a baby. The dad comes home from work. Mom is kind of telling him how to do XYZ. And then the dad gets defensive and says, Well, here’s the baby back then. You know how to do it. I don’t know how to do it. So you take care of the baby.

Santiago (Santi)

So there’s a lot of interesting dynamics there to work through.

Sonal Patel

When I had my first, I was a resident, so meaning my husband is also a physician. So we were both in the grind of residency, and I didn’t have that leisure in the sense of allowing myself to be like, dad, you do. I need you to do it a certain way, because I was putting in the same hours and I was like, I can’t plan for every little step that you do. You’re the dad. Keep him alive. I’ll be back. But that insight allowed me for my other ones to step away, to be like, okay, you might not be doing the way that I’m doing it because I’ve been with them the longest or however, but going back to work in residency allowed me to be like, okay, yeah, you’re the dad.

Sonal Patel

You’re going to do it. You’re going to do what it takes to keep your baby happy, alive, healthy. It might not be what I want or how I do it, but that was a really very valuable lesson, because this allows me to not only continue my career because there were some times where you’re on call and we’re a call in opposite day to go do a Fellowship gave me a little bit more freedom to kind of figure out what I needed to do and how I wanted to do it as well.

Sonal Patel

But I think that’s a very valuable lesson for dad.

Santiago (Santi)

No.

Sonal Patel

So sorry for moms to hear that you just step back with dad be death unless they’re doing something stupid. But still, absolutely, they can peed on a couple of times they’ll figure it out. That’s how you figured it out.

Santiago (Santi)

That’s a good perspective. A lot of times there’s not one right way to do things right. A lot of times there’s different ways to accomplish the same thing. That’s nice to hear.

Sonal Patel

So just kind of leading into it. Like I said, going back to work for me was very different. It was grueling hours in residency and fellowship, I had a little bit. So as an attending, after all my training was done, I knew I wanted I had to go back to sorry. I knew I wanted to go back to work. And I think that’s the difference, right? It’s what I wanted to do and how I wanted to accomplish. Versus I was very fortunate that I didn’t have to be forced to go back to work because of a financial reason.

Sonal Patel

Like, this was my identity. I wanted to do this. And I have an amazing, amazing, supportive husband. But being that said, I just remember we were dropping my son to daycare. It was like, like, my whole life, like, fell apart in front of me. You know, one of my friends had actually had a baby six months early. And she said, you know, when you drop them, make sure that you allow an hour just for yourself. Because it was this transition from I’m having had this baby in me for ten months.

Sonal Patel

I’ve been taking care of him for two months, and all of a sudden was leave him with a stranger. And it’s okay.

Santiago (Santi)

So your baby was two months old when you dropped off a daycare, actually.

Sonal Patel

Nine weeks. Yeah. Yup. Nine weeks.

Santiago (Santi)

I couldn’t imagine. I couldn’t imagine.

Sonal Patel

Yeah, you had because we were in training. So it was just like, you have to finish it, right. Otherwise, of course, all what you worked up for. And I think that’s the thing that mom’s. I mean, the hormones don’t help either. I think dads deal with it, too. And I like the fact that we’re recognizing more stay home dad, in that case, as well, because they come to this this pathway, they have to make a choice. And neither choice seems very, I don’t know, just doesn’t seem right.

Sonal Patel

But then you go through it and you go through it. But I see the first time I had to drop them, then I cried. And then the next couple of times, we were a little bit financially better. So I was able to have a nanny. So I didn’t have to actually physically take my kids somewhere to do that. But, yeah, it’s just a heartbreak of taking your kid to daycare and, like, okay. And the struggle that I think moms go through. So Megan jumping in here because I know I know you joined.

Sonal Patel

I care for kind of some similar reasons.

Meagan D.

Well, first, I want to ask you because I want to see if it was similar. How did you feel when you were at work? Did you feel, I mean, more distracted or more torn? Like, you wanted to be with your baby? And I felt like it was harder to focus when I went back to work.

Sonal Patel

So luckily for me, I found a really good we’ve had an in home daycare, and she took care of him, like my friends, six month old. So I had a friend who had was a residency friend. So she had already gone through it, and she was really able to help me transition through it. And that daycare, Lady, Miss Peggy, I will never forget her. She was awesome. She would send me pictures a lot, or I would call and find if everything was okay. We also had, like, a staging things like the first the week before we were going back, I would drop him for 2 hours or drop in for an hour just to get myself comfortable and get comfortable with the situation.

Sonal Patel

And then the first couple of days. And Luckily, I went back into work because we have different rotations where you didn’t have to do patient care right away, where you could also be eased back into work. So I would work, like 5 hours or it would work 6 hours. And then when you did in patient care, we were in the system for about now. It was two months. So now he’s four months old and he was thriving, and we were better with that. So when patient care came, it just worked out in my favor.

Sonal Patel

I think that I was able to manipulate things. But I’ll tell you one thing, as soon as I got comfortable, because I think it’s me getting comfortable also. And we had a great day care. Miss Peggy was amazing. She was awesome. She loved my child as much. Just I did. You could see it. I would take advantage of be like, okay, we’re paying for five. So how many hours we paid for daycare and I’m off of work. I I think I’m going to go to the gym now, and I started becoming okay with that.

Sonal Patel

Be like, okay, I need time to I want to go back and become more healthy, and I’m going to go and do that. But it was definitely a transition. I don’t think, like, I was lucky enough not to kind of just go into patient care. And it was just like an easing myself into it.

Santiago (Santi)

The last piece that you mentioned, they’re going to the gym. I think it’s important. It’s difficult, right? Because sometimes you feel guilty. You’re like, I’m out of work. I should pick them up early or her early. But it’s also important for you to take care of yourself first, to be a better mother, better wife, but her husband. So that’s self care, which is something Doctor Patel always reminded us when she would visit us here at home, is important. If you’re healthy and you’re in a good mental space, then you can be that much better for the baby.

Santiago (Santi)

And then to Megan’s question, one thing to point out for me, what I saw is it depends on what type of work I was doing. Right. So if I’m in a meeting or in something that requires me to be in the moment, I was able to still am able to focus on that. But with the administrative work or things that could be put off or where I can become a purpose crash. Inator. Those are the things that have become very difficult to get done because I just put them off and go see the baby.

Santiago (Santi)

So it’s definitely a balance for me when I need to be somewhere and I have a meeting with someone that’s no problem. But when I need to sit down and get things done, that’s where I started to go to the coffee shop in order to focus, because what I would tell myself is I’m here. I’m away from a baby, whether it be an office or a co working space or a coffee shop, I’m away from the baby anyway, I might as well be productive to make it worth the time away from the baby.

Santiago (Santi)

Then I can go back. It was very difficult to get those administrative tasks done at home because obviously I would just choose the baby over. That okay.

Sonal Patel

I was told Megan, I know from one person too, actually, because I have four kids, and now I’ve been raising them for 15 years. But twice in my life I had been told that your nanny’s raising your kids. You aren’t. And so I think as a working mother, you encounter those kind of statements. It’s like, oh, but you’re taking them to day care for X many hours. How are you raising your child? And you’re just like, oh, my God, I am raising my child, and I’m trying to balance everything for them, but it’s difficult.

Santiago (Santi)

I think people are always going to judge as well and have their own opinion.

Sonal Patel

Megan, what about you? Before we even dive into more of this conversation?

Meagan D.

So I I mean, I obviously had my daughter beginning of covet. And so I had went on leave a little bit early because of covet because potentially being at risk. And I worked at a bank, and so I had closer to I think it was 14 and a half 15 weeks of leave. And by the time I was about, I think two weeks into having the baby, I just really knew that I did not want to go back. I felt like my place was to be home with her and take care of her.

Meagan D.

We had care arrange with my mom, but we were really apprehensive because my stepdad worked as a paramedic. And so that meant he was constantly exposed and in the middle of all of it. And we were already taking measures such as having your care come to our house and not taking her anywhere to avoid all that stuff. So sending her to my mom’s house was definitely a big concern, and I really was not not at already. So I think at that point that’s when I first contacted you and you weren’t quite there yet.

Meagan D.

So I kept looking for every Avenue working from home. I knew that I couldn’t do, like, a customer service type job, especially with her by myself. Any mom that can do that for 8 hours a day and take care of their kids once I praise you up and down because I can’t barely get a half hour cash done with my little one here. So I ended up going back to work. We did the test trails, like you said, and my mom lives about 25 minutes away from us.

Meagan D.

I balled the entire way there. I cried when we left. I had such a hard time with it. And like you said, I think it was hormones, too. But I mean, even now, I’m going to admit I still have a lot of difficulty of leaving her without me here. I feel like I know everybody can take care of her, but I feel like I’m just the answer to everything. So I went back to work and I was also pumping, and that became really difficult to keep everything clean.

Meagan D.

I didn’t really have a space to pump, so I ended up getting a pump that I could hide and where. And I did that while I was working, because I also didn’t feel like I had the flexibility with my job to stop and step away and pump. I went back to a job where I had a lot of seniority. I had a lot of poll, and I went back. And I felt like I had lost all of that in three months on maternity leave and just felt very out of place.

Meagan D.

At that point, I just felt like I needed to be home. So we tweak some things around. And two months later, I ended up leaving my position and decided to come home. And we decided to live off some of the money that we had saved up and basically kind of wing it. And I figure it out. And then I got a call from you that you were looking and you are ready. And so I stepped in this position. It’s worked for me to be at home.

Meagan D.

But like you said, it’s a balancing act. I literally feel like I go all day, I wake up with her, I Cook for her, I play with her, and she goes down an app. I do my work stuff. During her nap, she gets up, we play, we do dinner, she goes to bed, I do other house chores and other things that you need to be done and then some work. Sometimes I don’t I don’t stop home the night. But the trade off, like you said, it’s worth it to be more here and more present.

Meagan D.

And I feel like there seems my daughter is very ahead in it. Like, because I stayed home and had that ability to do it, she’s been able to have those advantages that I guess she wouldn’t have had it. I wasn’t here.

Sonal Patel

I had to grapple with the fact that all my twenties were devoted to becoming a doctor with all the studies and all the like, I sacrificed, like the going out and, you know, just being a rowdy 20 year old and I was just going to put that on the side. I think that was, I think with any woman who’s going back in any type of career or even now more so do also is just that you come to the fork in the road and say, okay, what’s important?

Sonal Patel

Not in the sense of I think what’s important to me because and like you mentioned, why I say self care and identity. Because, you know what? If I would have been happy, I wouldn’t have. That’s how I wear my hits. Then I would be constantly not happy. And I tried to stay at home stand for three months, I think with my second and bless you. Stay home, Mamas. Megan, I do not know I know you work for me, but my goodness, the constant going. I was like, and I felt it was not a good stay home mom.

Sonal Patel

I was a better working mom because then I was more organized. And so I knew where I compromised. A lot of my stuff is this was like you said, than these 2 hours were just going to be productive. So I knew when I was gonna step away from work or when I was at work, it was just work. And I had a good nanny that was helping me in that background. And she would only text me and stuff when I was really dear and needed. But when I came home, it was just home.

Sonal Patel

And all I did was spend my time at home. So that balancing, buddy. Now I did try to be a stay home mom and Megan hats off, man. Like that. I completely failed at that part of it.

Santiago (Santi)

I yeah, I think juggling both, which it seems like all three of us here are doing is a good experience to talk about quality over quantity, right? In any aspect of life, both going to the gym, I’m sure you’re going to work harder in the gym knowing I’m away from my baby, I’m away from work. I better make it worth it. And same with work and same with a baby, right? When you’re with a baby, then you got to separate everything else so that that time is really worth it.

Santiago (Santi)

So that to me, has made it easier to try to balance everything out and just becoming a better person every day. That’s all I can try to do for the baby. To Megan’s point, it is very interesting to see. I mean, I was so ignorant to everything that it takes to raise a child. I mean, obviously I am the son to a mom and dad, and I have a sister who has two little ones. And even with that, I was so ignorant before going through this experience myself.

Santiago (Santi)

The pumping, right? It’s a 24/7 job. You can’t stop. You risk actually your health if you don’t pump. So that’s very important. And then just being away from a baby, all the hormones, everything that’s going on, it’s crazy to see how as humans, we’ve gone through this for so long, but we don’t really accommodate for one another rate, like at the office. Like, maybe when I’m saying there’s no room for a mom to go pump just now, I’m starting to see and hear of airports having pods for a mom to feed or pump like breastfeeding in public.

Santiago (Santi)

It’s still such a taboo that my wife is like, should I cover myself? Should I not cover myself? If I don’t cover myself, I make it so awkward for everybody else, and then they make it awkward for me. So I think I was hoping, joining the parent club that there would be more services like NIA Care and more people like us three here who can relate with each other know that we’ve gone through this and try to help each other out, right? It’s somewhat frustrating to see businesses so far behind with childcare or with just certain benefits, even if it’s just a comfortable room for mom to pump.

Santiago (Santi)

It’s a blessing and a curse, I guess, because because the blessing is that it brings like minded people together, like the folks here and the folks I get to leverage NIA Care services. But it also opens up my eyes to what I was so ignorant to before, which is really, I think, the world. And unfortunately, where we live in the US, like maternity leave sometimes doesn’t exist. Sometimes it’s too short maternity leave as well. And then when mom’s going back to work, like Megan was mentioning, right, you went from a senior position where you felt like you have a somewhat like power, right?

Santiago (Santi)

And say in the office. So now all of a sudden feeling like you lose all that because you’re not even comfortable in the place where you’ve been working and where you feel like you have this seniority, you don’t even have a comfortable place to pump. So it is very eye opening experience, not only becoming a dad, but seeing also the world and how we accommodate parents or don’t accommodate parents. But I’m glad we’re here. And again, I’m glad Doctor Patel, you took the risk you did, leaving your job to start night care so that we can hopefully move in the right direction as a community.

Sonal Patel

So on those two notes, so there are laws in Colorado that you can demand your employers to provide adequate breastfeeding areas. If you’re anywhere in Colorado, just contact the public health Department and they will stare you right, because the laws support that. Even if you’re working at a Burger King, there are ways, and I don’t think people are aware of that.

Santiago (Santi)

I would say at least me personally, I’m definitely not aware of that. So I think this is a great point of our blog and time together to highlight those fun facts are very important.

Sonal Patel

And then I had the privilege of actually sitting in the room where the paid family leads that we just passed last year was being formulated and had the voice. And I was able to be one of the speakers not only in the legislation, but when we actually had are rally and everything and just super excited. After six, seven years, it got passed and it should be starting to be implemented in 2024. So those are the couple of laws. But I don’t think, like you said, Fancy, you get aware of stuff, and then you’re like, wait a minute.

Sonal Patel

There’s laws to support this. Wait, how did I not know about that? I just wanted to point out those two things that’s what you had brought up.

Meagan D.

So I’ll go ahead.

Santiago (Santi)

I was just going to say, I definitely appreciate your efforts there and bringing awareness to them. Like, if the law is there, but nobody knows about them, then it’s useless. So it’s nice to have you leading the pack there and bringing awareness to all of us around you in the community.

Meagan D.

And I was aware of of the laws, the place I was in, though I knew it had to have been within reason that they provide a space. But where I was at, the only reasonable space that would have been even able to be provided would have been the bathroom for me. There wasn’t where we were with such a small area. It wasn’t a typical bank. It was a stand up kind of bank, and they put the whole staff into there. So. And I knew I felt so uncomfortable when I went back as it was.

Meagan D.

I think that’s the thing, like, we know that there are things that protect us when we go back and even while we’re on leave and even while we’re pregnant. But I think there’s still a certain level of I mean, you feel uncomfortable. I know that you’re protected if you blow the whistle on those things, but you feel uncomfortable. You can’t stop people from making you feel outside the loop. And like I said, I went from the place I worked. I had ran this particular branch pretty much by myself at one point for over a year.

Meagan D.

So I went from having all this poll and all this day there to feeling very on the outside when I came back, and I didn’t want to feel anymore on the outside than I already did. And I’m actually friends with another man that works there. And she had similar feelings when she went back. She felt very uncomfortable about how she would even breastfeed. She was asking me questions about how I did it and how I went about it. So I think it goes back to what you said.

Meagan D.

I think people need to be more accommodating to mom and dad when they go back to work. We’re trying to figure out how we even do this. Something at work is a full time job. On top of your job, you’re literally pumping. You finish, you clean up before, you know, you’re setting up to do it again. And you’ve got to figure out how to correctly break out of work to do that, and you got to take care of it. And then you’re thinking about your baby.

Meagan D.

And like you said, you’re getting the updates from the babysitter, the little picture. So you’ve got that, too. And your job. It’s a lot for us to bounce. And dad, they’re worried about what mom’s doing when they go back. They’re worried about how baby is doing. There needs to be a lot more accommodation and a lot more easing back into the job and a lot more acceptance of what the parents have been through before they come back.

Sonal Patel

What you just said actually highlights literally sums up the literature that is supporting paid family leave because those companies that actually offer page families, their employees and stay there longer, and they’re more committed to that company. Exactly. I think accommodations in the sense of like, yes, of course, a good space to pump, a nice areas to do that. And that go along with the public health Department regulations, because the place needs to be clean. You need to provide places where you can clean your UM parts of reducing viral and bacterial thing.

Sonal Patel

But also the understanding. I think the accommodation is one time. But just overall understanding of this person was so important to our company, and they did so much, they just might need a little adjustment coming back to work. And so this overall understanding of it, I was super lucky. I had amazing role models in residency. We had. And my third year when I was an intern, I had two residents, two physician doctors who actually had two babies in the three year period. And they would pump.

Sonal Patel

And so everybody got comfortable pumping. Like, with us female residents pumping, they would nurse in the car rooms because their husbands or spouses would bring the babies. And when they had a minute of break instead of pumping, they would nurse. And it started fostering this culture of like, so when I became a 30 year residence and I had my baby, too, I was like, oh, my husband would bring the baby to me when I was on call, and if I had a chance, I was able to nurse.

Sonal Patel

And that was just accepted. It wasn’t like, oh, my gosh, you’re doing it again. I think just having people that have gone through it, we had a couple of male residents and they’re like, oh, yeah, you’re pumping. This overall understanding from both perspective was really helpful and encouraging to have a child in residency.

Santiago (Santi)

I think that highlights it’s not only at a regulatory level that efforts need to be made to establish these laws and regulations to protect parents, but also at a company level, no matter the size of the company might be Fortune 500 or a small mom and pop. But having that culture is priceless. I think, obviously, people I’m sure statistics that show that people stay there longer, that the quality of work is better. And now we’re talking about this four day work week versus five day work week.

Santiago (Santi)

Again, to me, just the quality versus quantity always comes back. If you’re sitting in front of your desk for 5 hours, but you concentrate for 15 minutes, what was the point? Right. So I think that culture, that company culture is an important thing to highlight what a lot of people business owners and also employees can make an effort, even though you might not think you can change the laws or you can change the company, at least make an effort for the culture to be one way.

Santiago (Santi)

I hate to see when people have the attitude of oh, I figured it out. So you’ll figure it out as well. You’ll be okay, right? Where it’s you figured out that there were obstacles that had to be overcome. And instead of just saying, I crossed the bridge and then burn it or figure out how to cross it yourself, let’s take 1 second to look back and say, how can we improve this for the next person that’s going to cross? Right? Maybe you’re not going to have another baby yourself.

Santiago (Santi)

Maybe you are.

Right.

Santiago (Santi)

So maybe you’re going to have to cross that bridge again. But don’t be so quick to forget just because you’ve gone through it. And now the next person is going to figure it out. Just as a community, take as a community, take a second to look back and say, how can we improve this for each other?

Sonal Patel

I mean, that’s a perfect place to end. So thank you, Sandy. The floor. We completely end. What’s? One tip that you guys think that you’d like to relate to your counterpart when going back to work so I can start as a working mom going back to work? One tip is particularly if you’re in the corporate world, if you could schedule your pump breaks as you would schedule meetings like 1520 minutes. So then everyone is aware that you are and they look at your calendar. They’re like, okay, that one is blocked.

Sonal Patel

And then always my responses smokers take breaks of breast, getting moms need to take break to, and that should just be part of it. But that’s one tip that really helped schedule pumping that I knew and everybody around me knew was like, okay, I’m taking 1520 minutes, break to pump. Then when I’m back in it, I’m going to be start working. So that’s why one tip that would give working moms.

I.

Meagan D.

Think mine would be just advocating for yourself. I mean, ultimately, I left my position, but I think there were certain things that I advocated for myself. And the biggest thing was that I was not the same person as I was before I went on leave, I came back a mom, and I mean, I wasn’t single, but I had an individual life before I went in. So I had all this availability, and I definitely had to advocate that. Now I have a schedule. Now my availability is not the same.

Meagan D.

Now I have these priorities out of work. I’m going to advocate that I’m here to do my job, and I still be the same person doing my job. But there were things that like the pumping and everything that needed to change, and I had to try to advocate, and I should have advocated more for my situation.

Sonal Patel

I’m not too much, Megan. Then you wouldn’t be here. True.

Meagan D.

And I’m actually way happier doing what I’m doing. I mean, longevity wise, I planned on staying where I was. I was in a good position, but I’m so blessed to have the opportunity to have and the fact that you give me the flexibility to be a on and bring home income so a better and even leaving.

Santiago (Santi)

You do advocate, right? Not only for yourself, but for the next people to go through that experience. Hopefully the company would do an exit interview and understand why they lost such a or ten year employee. So even not being there, still, I think that step hopefully would advocate and speak up for yourself. And the rest mine would be, I think, time management and quality over quantity. I realized even though yes, I could hold my baby and answer emails on my phone, I’m not doing either of them.

Santiago (Santi)

Well, there’s no point. I’m somewhat of a perfectionist, and I would much rather not spread myself thin or try to boil the ocean. I’d rather have the 2 hours set aside for work where I know, Unfortunately, I’m not going to be with a baby. I’m not going to see the baby or hold the baby. But because that’s the opportunity cost, that’s what I’m giving up. I’m going to make sure those 2 hours are going to be very productive. And I realized I can even fit what used to take me three or 4 hours of work into 2 hours, and then I can go home, be with a baby and put my phone aside.

Santiago (Santi)

So I think in everything not only time spent with a baby, but time spent at work or with friends, family at the gym, just quality over quantity is important for me.

Sonal Patel

Awesome. Well, thank you guys so much. This has been an awesome, amazing conversation. So thank you. Believe it.

Santiago (Santi)

Of course. Always a pleasure. Thank you guys for what you do. We’ll talk again soon.

Sonal Patel

Yup. Bye.

What was your experience with returning to work? Share with us in the comments!


Recently on the NayaCare Blog