Q: Can you describe your emotions when you first thought about returning to work after your baby was born?
A: To be honest, I hated thinking about going back to work. The very thought made me feel overwhelmed with dread. I didn’t want to leave my baby. I started to feel resentful that we weren’t financially well-off enough for me to stay home. I avoided discussing my return with my partner, pushing the conversation out as much as possible, but it was still constantly on my mind. I was anxious, just knowing that one day, I’d have to leave my baby behind.
There was this deep, simmering anger about how our culture expects women to return to work so quickly after childbirth. It felt so unfair, and I was enraged that this was just the way it was. I felt disrespected and forced into a situation I didn’t want to be in. It felt like torture. I wanted to be there for my baby all the time, to make sure she always felt my love, but that wasn’t something I could control when I had to leave her to go to work.
Even now, two months into working, I feel like I’m missing out on her growing up. I am missing it—and I hate that. It feels like I am losing a part of her, and I just want to be there, 100%. And to make matters worse, my milk supply has decreased significantly, which is so frustrating.
I try to tell myself that we are lucky—my partner is with the baby all day, and Grandpa fills in a bit in the afternoon before I get home. But still, I just want to be her mom. The reality is, we’re not rich, so I have to work, too. But it’s not what I want. I just want to be there with her, without the guilt of having to work.
Q: What is something you wish more people knew about the journey to motherhood?
A: My motherhood journey started 14 years ago when I was just 20 years old. I was young, poor, and alone. It was survival mode from day one. I didn’t have the luxury of focusing on anything but getting by. The thing is, there’s this enormous pressure to buy all the expensive stuff—like $1,000 strollers, fancy self-rocking beds, and the latest baby gear. But you don’t need all that.
What babies need most is you. They need your love, your care, and your presence. That’s all. They don’t care about fancy gear or brand-name products. So many people waste money on things that don’t really matter, when the most important thing is being there for your baby.
Trust me, you’ll have plenty of time to focus on money later. When they’re older, that’s when you’ll want to have your finances sorted. When they want to play an expensive sport or need a car, that’s the time to prioritize those big purchases. But right now, with a newborn, it’s all about connection. It’s all about love and security. The more you focus on yourself and your mental health, and less on what the world says you need to buy, the better.
Another huge piece of advice: Make sure your relationship with your partner is strong. They are going to see a different side of you after the baby arrives. You’ll go through a huge transformation, and you’ll need unconditional love and support. So, make sure that person in your life has your back, no matter what.
Motherhood can be so overwhelming, and it’s easy to feel like you’re doing everything wrong. But if you just focus on the basics—your mental health, your partner, and the bond you share with your baby—it all becomes a little easier to manage.